Don't Judge A Book If You're Not A Judge

Kaeiy is listening to: Now, Now - Saint Vincent

When we see a person for the frst time, a preconception of WHO she is forms based solely on what we see: her eyes, her hair, her skin color, her smile or lack thereof, the way she moves her body, the color of her shirt, the brand of her jeans, the way her mouth forms the word "hello" and more. We do it all the time, consciously or not, whether we admit it to ourselves or choose to deny it. Everyday, we become self-appointed judges of the people we cross paths with.

But are we creating an accurate mental image of the person? And more importantly, are we worthy of creating that image in the first place?

I have an ex, whom we'll call Ex, who has an ex; let's call her Ex-ex (how original!). While Ex and I were still a (secret) couple, I met Ex-ex once. I formed my preconception (and subsequent mental snapshot complete with characterization) of her guided by this twenty-minute meeting (where I might as well not exist since Ex-ex didn't know Ex and I were already together... but that's another story I'd rather not relive) and Ex's frequent kwento about Ex-ex. I formed a mental image of someone kind and generous but with a quick, hot temper, a jealous heart, an inconsiderate soul and a misguided territorial instinct. When Ex and I parted ways (for the nth and second to the final time... yes, there was a FINAL time), I reconsidered that mental image. It hurt thinking how wrong she was in my eyes (thanks in part to Ex's input) and how wrong I have been to her (not that we had contact at all... but that's an old story best buried in the depths of oblivion). When it all became clear to me, I asked for her silent forgiveness and moved on with my life. I hope Ex-ex has moved on with hers. Let me just say that she deserves a better life.

I quit my old job some months ago and I started on a new job. Along the way, I met more people especially in my new workplace. In a huge company, it's common to barely know everyone in your department. Let's call my direct report Swerte. At first glance, he will appear strict, straight as an arrow, and aloof. I was very hesitant to approach him during my first week at work and I was just about ready to write him down in my book exactly as I had first thought him to be. I'm glad I held off judgement until I got to know him better. He is a sweet guy, very devoted to his family, with such a soft heart and a great sense of humor. He hails from Cebu, has been with the Company for a total of 7 years, flies home to see his wife and two sons once every month (his bunso is adorable and is a spitting image of Swerte), and is helping me re-sharpen my Bisaya. I won't say he isn't strict; he is just very particular with the quality of work that is turned in and he inspires me to be too. Thanks to Swerte, I am more OC than I already was before joining the Company. Kidding! That's not exactly a bad thing! If I stay longer in the Company, he'd make a great mentor.

In the Company, I share my cube with a nice guy I'll call Melby. My other two batchmates (whom we'll call BM1 and BM2) do not share my opinion, however. To them, Melby is 'maangas'. I don't understand why! You see, BM1 and BM2 are eyeing a cute girl from our department (whom we'll call The Crush) who is rumored (now I've confirmed this thanks to my PR powers, hehe) to be ardently pursued by Melby.

BM1: Kaeiy, di ka ba naangasan kay Melby?
Kaeiy: No, I actually think he's nice. Bungisngis nga yun eh. Pag nagsasalita, laging nakangiti.
BM1: Hindi kaya! Kanina, sinundan ko ng tingin si The Crush. Papunta ata ng CR. Paglingon ko, nakatingin pala si Melby. Ang sama ng tingin saken. Parang lalamunin ako nang buhay!
BM2: Ikaw kasi eh, kung makatingin ka!
K: Baka naman hindi sa iyo nakatingin. Tsaka hindi naman siya maangas sa akin.
BM1: Siguro kasi babae ka. Nakaka-joke mo ba yun?
K: Oo naman! Minsan kasi siya nagsisimula eh.
BM2: Babae ka kasi.

I do not understand why BM1 and BM2 could not look beyond Melby's exterior, though I agree he looks maangas at first glance. He's tall and lanky and his facial expression is not exactly friendly when he's not smiling (but that instantly transforms when he smiles or laughs). He has the trappings of a stereotypical conyo-kid: the polished English, a flashy car he uses to take The Crush home when she consents, a relatively expensive sport he indulges in and a generally pa-macho air. But he is different when he opens his mouth and starts talking and laughing. He reminds me of a little boy who did something naughty to me but wants to be friends nonetheless. He speaks of his sport with passion and it's a source of pride for him and for the department's team. He's such a jester and he is full of praise and friendly banter for everyone. Why don't BM1 and BM2 see that? Is it because of first impressions that they did not bother to verify? Or is it because of The Crush?

Speaking of The Crush, I also took to observing her since BM1 and BM2 are so into her. At first, I thought she was a friendly, approachable gal. Nah... I was wrong, unfortunately. Parang feel na feel niyang ang ganda niya! In fairness, she is cute... but to be so iffy and sungit, what a turn-off! But again, I might be wrong! She could be just inherently shy and perhaps she's not much of a talker. If that's the case, bagay sila ni Melby! Hehehe...

Thank goodness I'm not a judge. I wouldn't want to be passing judgement on people, knowing I myself am being judged and that I am not infallible.

-o-o-o-o-o-
"You don't mean that, say you're sorry
You don't mean that, say you're sorry
You don't mean that... I'll make you sorry!"