There Is Nothing Like The First (Time)

Kaeiy is listening to: Love In New Wave - Electrico

Dear Ginny,

It's raining again and I can't help but smile at the memory of us running on the streets, holding hands and playing with children a quarter of our age. It probably looked so strange to other spectators - two grown women running like kids barely out of diapers, with warm grins despite the freezing water and the biting wind - but to us it felt so natural. Well, at least it did to me.

You and I both know that my days are probably numbered; we won't know for sure until the doctor either confirms or crushes our worst fears - I hope it's the latter - so until then I wish to spend every second of my life with you. Whatever's still left of my life, anyway.

I'm not complaining, hunny. It's been one blissful, dream-like, love-filled year not wanting in laughter, tenderness and adventure. I am grateful for the year we have spent together and I wish with all my heart that we could spend a hundred more years like that - just together and simply happy.

Thank you. Thank you for keeping me warm in your arms at night, for being the last person I see before I sleep and for being the first person I kiss and touch and smell when I open my eyes in the morning (or a little past noon, if it's the weekend). Thank you for taking time off from work to take care of me when all the bacteria in the world decided to wreak havoc upon my (huge) tummy, for staying beside me as fever raged through my body, for being my pillar of strength when I was at my weakest.

You are my greatest strength and my greatest weakness as well. But I do not find it weak that you and I deny each other nothing, even when the things we want seem bordering on impossible at times. I do not find you weak when you have tears in your eyes, nor do I see cowardice in your face when you whisper your fears to me in the still of night. On the contrary, I see how strong you are by allowing me to share your tears, and how brave you are to accept the things that are beyond your control, and sometimes your comprehension.

Thank you for loving me for who I am and despite who I'm not; for whom I can be for you and despite what I cannot become. Thank you for not changing who and what I am to fit your ideals and thank you for sharing this wonderful life with me.

Thank you for being my protector and for soothing my greatest fears despite your own. Thank you for holding me in those sleepless nights of tears and pain, of fearful whispers - as if the monster of my disease might hear and swiftly come to life with a roar to ravage what is left of me - and of frightful dreams.

Thank you for making me feel secure and safe. That we are safe against threats tangible, intangible and those in between.

I love you, Ginny. With all my heart and with all that I am. I wish we could have more years like this - happy in the simplest things, content with the smallest joys.

You are my most precious treasure, Ginny.

Happy first!

Casey

-o-o-o-o-o-
"And when it comes to consequence
You make me feel like I've got no regrets
You never fail to make me feel so right..."